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  • shikhajain

O God! Please tell me, do you REALLY exist?

Updated: Sep 28, 2020

I don’t know about you but my faith in #God always has its ups and downs.

People say when one is under the #weather or going through rough times is when a person looks up more to God but as weird as I am,

I get angry and kind of start giving a piece of my mind to God.

Sure, I wasn’t very much into dialogues earlier than what I am today. [Guess earlier I hadn’t watched many dramatic movies to get influenced by].

How did my relationship with God began, transformed and still is evolving…?

I was born in a religious, God-fearing, medium #superstitious family.

My earlier school also had a bend towards religions of the world… more on the lines of all #religions are equal. [Thanks to the school and multi-cultural places I have lived in, I am able to see all religions with one eye, with equality or more so having the ability to hand-pick what I like and trash away the rest and thus having a customized religion of my own: Shikhaism … sounds cool na? Just kidding, no more addition to religions haha].

So, I remember visiting many #Temples, few #Churches, #Gurudwaras and #Mosques. More like a touristy visit that I use to like for various known and unknown reasons.

One being, I love adoring the #art, the sculptures, the architecture. Sometimes I do like to stand for a long time to observe the work, understanding the meaning behind them and the mental and the physical conditions the artists might have been into during the times.

Another being, the whole magical feel or vibes such places have or at least I am conditioned to feel them. The #devotion of people around, the #discipline and sometimes even #love towards God.

And if the #prashaad[sweet to eat] would be nice, that would be a bonus to the visit.

In the middle of all this #celebration I was part of, I slowly started moving away from it. I did not become an #atheist/#agnostic but like many others, I started questioning the meaningless #rituals done only out of fear or habit.

I believe or feel or think that maybe the rituals do have a meaning or purpose even now but that should be known to the person conducting them or maybe the rituals were relevant during certain circumstances and situations in the past and may not be valid anymore.

So my presence in the pujas, rituals, visit to temples started becoming forced because I did not get any answers. The #joy part of it started waning away.

I still enjoy the merriment and togetherness the religious festivals bring about but the stringent fear-based actions started taking the #charm away.

Questioning God eventually, that hey! If you made everything then why do you want all this? Are we some puppets or video games to you? Players even having emotions, what an added punch to the game.

Having said all this, I would also like to say that I always have God/ #Angels/ #Energy/ #Higher #Universal #Power, etc. on my mind as my Best Friend. I sometimes call them with name A and sometimes with name B.

Some people say it is a case of a mad person with a lack of faith in one entity.

A person trying to eat allopathy, homeopathy, #Ayurveda, #Chinese [ #acm ?] types of #medicines all together in hopes that one would work but ends up to receive benefits from none.

To me all are same. To me, all seem to be within. To me, everything is scattered and needs to be brought together into some sort of a #Union to call it ONE.

I don’t know HOW. Or I would tell you on top of my voice. Only thing is you would need to believe me and not beat me. Haha

Regarding HOW. The only thing I like to and try to follow is:

be as #honest as possible and try to hurt no one.

And this part is written in all the religions of the world I believe and this is what I picked up and kept it from the time I found it. Sure, as you start living as a Citizen of Earth and not Human on Planet Earth, you learn to be diplomatic and modify the original versions.

I think trying to be as close to the original version of being honest and non-violent in thoughts, actions or words is a ritual to follow.

I feel it will enable the God within to wake up.

I feel the concept of God should be there because of various reasons. Few that I can think of right now are:

1. It gives us someone to look up to when there is no one else. As a #friend, #guardian or simply as God with all his/her magical powers.

2. Also, the image of God is of a “Mr Always Right” and that’s again a brilliant role #model to look up to and to try to be. But injecting fear in the system is a big NO-NO. [They were 2].

3. Also, we do need someone to give credit to or to put blame on for the unexplainable happenings. God is the word! :)

Having said all that, conditioning, plays such an important role. I’m conditioned to make #wishes and I have started making wishes on the name of #affirmations and #manifestations, more than before due to the circumstances I am in, at the moment. I feel fine asking because why not? If not ask from God then from whom? [May be you would say, get up from your seat and start working on your wishes. I agree with ya, but making wishes is so much easier].

I wonder how many of you have the same question as me from God that "God! Do you even exist?"

I feel there is some power, some energy floating around. And I am bent towards knowing the unknown, gaining wisdom, maybe enlightenment while living my modern life. Helping the Milky Way by reaching self-realisation[who knows? ;)].

I FEAR but still, I want to dive deep into the pool of Spiritual Knowledge[or whatever that is] and come out courageous, victorious and with all the answers to share it with the world in a unique, acceptable and understandable way.

This is one of my topmost quest of life[on and off lol] and I hope to figure out the steps “to be there” because it would be pretty cool to see a World With Everything Sorted.

I can’t even imagine and I think that’s the key: imagination.

So why do I write about all this?

Like I have mentioned earlier, this space is to share my thoughts. And I would like to know if anyone else thinks like this or understands where I am coming from and would want to show me a path[may be share number of a psychiatrist lol].

Along with sticking to the basics mentioned above, I am now getting a calling to meditate, follow noble silence[or a regular MAUN should do], simplify, become non-judgmental, forgive and spread Love. All this seems to be a way towards Bliss, way to GOD.

So for me, God is this person, I write to, talk to, fight with, sing bhajans for, crack jokes with and even beg for unlimited wishes.

But, where is he? Guess somewhere around me, within me.

Just need to Be Receptive and Tune-in.

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