My yellow colour wall is better than your pink colour wall.
Your yellow colour wall is better than my pink colour wall.
What’s happening here?
Comparison? No! Meaningless Comparison!!
This could be succeeded by various other insane actions. For instance, the person changes his/her wall colour once again. In reaction to that the first person thinks that the 2nd person has copied and his wall colour is no more unique so he/she changes once again. Resources wasted, #ego hurt, #negativity spread and the poor walls probably didn’t stand dry in peace.
You may say that oh this was a very silly example, who does that?
Well, most of the comparisons are silly. Whether you do it or someone else does it. Whether they are over so-called trivial matters or something like my example above which btw also happens, maybe not in such an exaggerated manner.
He has more #money.
She is more beautiful.
My kids have better education.
I work #more.
The end result generally brings a person to an #unease. Even if you are in a better place after comparison, you are not at ease. You are mulling over winning over someone and boosting your ego.
I know many of us don’t worry about it and we are happy and feel good about it and we feel that there is no need to change because comparing yourself to others #motivates us to become better. Well, better than the other. Is that all we desire? I won't aim so low for you, you shouldn't too.
Comparing yourself to others grows like a weed.
If you do not make conscious efforts to remove it, it will keep growing and mess around with your beautiful life.
CHILDREN
It all begins in #childhood. Gets deeply ingrained. The web of small psychological problems starts forming. When we grow up, many times we don’t even know that we have a problem or if we know, we don’t realise that the problem emerged from something that happened as a child.
One of those small things in childhood could have been excessive comparison done by your #parents or people around you. If you were a bonafide student you probably always had a pressure to stay on top and if you were not a topper you might have always been compared with someone above you.
What could have built into a beautiful friendship between child A and B might have been put to fire just by this act of comparison.
ADULT
As you grow, the #patterns keep #repeating. Like many other things, comparing becomes a #habit. It consumes us and makes us do negative things of various degrees.
Your parents may have compared you with your elder sibling. Your elder sibling probably becomes successful in life and so do you. But the habit of comparing yourself with your sibling may never end. If he buys Car A, you would want a better Car to win the #comparison game.
The #roots of many problems that are manifested as an adult are found going back to childhood.
Few of the professional help a person can take to find the root cause of their problem are inner child healing, hypnosis, therapy and chakra psychology counselling.
BIG ORGANISATIONS
You may or may not have noticed that many brands use comparison to #trigger you to buy their products. eg. Showing their brand used by rich people, endorsed by celebrities or many times some emotional story conveyed within 30 secs to hook trap you. They make you compare yourself with someone, something and #influence you to buy their product. Either you buy it to quench your ego or to come to the level of the elite.
Comparison Game starts from our childhood and goes till our grave. By the time we realise how petty the game is, we are totally consumed by it. Let's see how we can STOP playing this game !!
WHAT TO DO? Here are 6 Ways how NOT to Compare...
1. COMPARE YOURSELF WITH YOURSELF
Were you at point A in life a few years ago and now at point B? Is point B better than point A? If yes, then pat yourself and be happy. If no, then work towards your happiness. Envying another is not going to do any good.
Let’s see our own Life’s Graph And be Happy.
2. ASK
Ask yourself. Do you REALLY want that what you see in another or are you simply influenced? Are you chasing to become a doctor because you truly have the desire or just to be at that level of someone? Should you compare yourself to others when you know that we all have our own unique features?
3. PARENT
As a parent, start appreciating your child for their achievements and wherever they lack, discuss with them and come out with a plan to get better. As a parent try to search for what the child is good at and try to hone the child in it. Do not try to make your child a science scholar if he/she has an aptitude of an economist or vice versa.
4. SYSTEM
Have you ever thought, why do you compare?
In my school, our report cards/ mark sheets didn’t mention ranks. They mentioned our marks and grades. If we wanted to know ranks, we had to find out ourselves by asking each other. This way, ranks were not given importance.
In my other school, during competitions, every person was allowed to participate. There wasn’t a pre-decided list. Hence, everyone got an equal opportunity without being compared on selection level itself.
Such small things make a difference.
If we have to change the world, systems need to be changed too, otherwise, most of the people will end up following the rat race. Wherever you are at, try to make a difference in your small or big way to bring about this change.
5. ACCEPTANCE
Sometimes someone else is better than you in most of the things that are important to you even when both of you have put in the same efforts. Stressing about it is only going to take you on a wrong path. Accepting, being happy for another and working on your own happiness would be ideal. Like I said earlier, look at your life graph and try to become better than you are now than better than another person.
6. GRATEFUL
Being grateful, happy and #content is simple to say and if you allow yourself it is simple to do as well. It will make you light and you will float in a jovial bubble.
A cousin came to my house first time in 20 years of my life. At the end of her stay, she tells me that her parents always compared her to me and asked her to be more like me. This resulted in #aversion towards me without having known or met me. I was happy to know that after meeting me she changed her feelings towards me [hopefully, seemed like...]
COMPARISON is necessary but it should be breathable. It should be for a positive growth. Otherwise it is simply a bane.
IN THE END
Comparison game never ends. But you need to put an end to it or channelise it in a way that it doesn’t take away your inner peace.
I feel, down the line, either you would die playing the comparison game with yourself or you would come to a point of realisation that you wasted your energy all these years doing something petty.
I hope that realisation happens sooner than later for everyone. May be immediately after reading this haywire, a random writeup of mine. Take care :)